Talk Dirty To Me

This year has been a rough one!! I have been wracking my brain for some salacious story about Tommy Lee or Bret Michaels, but sadly I don't have one. I *do* have a slight girly crush on C.C. DeVille, who in my opinion is like a life-size Muppet. His voice alone endears me to him, as he sort of sounds like Harvey Fierstein on helium. I just adore him. Yeah, I get how sad that is…

I think back to those "hair band" days of yore, when Poison was
constantly playing at Gazzarri's or the Whiskey. When boys and girls donned spandex and makeup and stood in line for hours to hear Bret Michaels warble. Poor sad Synde, the lone black-wearing freak standing in a sea of fuchsia and teal spandex. I completely stuck out like a sore thumb. The benefit? I sure got the bands attention, even if I didn't mean to. OH, NO. NOT ME, NEVER EVER... Still, on that fateful night a roadie brought me a note "C.C. would like you to join him
backstage." OMG, FOR SERIOUS???? Poor dear Muppet was going to get the
shock of his life.

I ventured backstage through a sea of boobs and hair to get to the
holy grail of cocaine. The rocks were so huge, I needed mountaineering
shoes to scale the room—OH, heaven. When I entered the room, it was as
if a priest had come in! Every single person in the room turned and
looked at me… OH, shit! This was bad. C.C. sauntered up (his hair
taller than me) and started to put the moves on me. OH, HELL NO!
I politely declined by saying that I would break him in two if he
touched me again. He was oddly flummoxed…and intrigued.

So, yes, this much is true: we sat and talked. Various topics crossed
our wordy paths. Our little C.C. is not as dumb as he pretends to
be!!! We talked hair, horror movies and horticulture.(uh-huh) and fave
music. We consumed refreshments and engaged in witty banter—

Synde: "C.C., you're a douche."
C.C.: "Yes, yes I am."

I left a few hours later with my virginity intact, if indeed there was
actually any to begin with, heh... So thus my love of C.C. was born,
as I write this I an hear his crackly voice in my head... Oh, C.C.,
tawk dirty to me.

Now tell me who would you like to talk dirty to you?