Crazy Rant #900

When I work at the Evil Empire bookstore, I often have time for a little bit of reading. This morning, I decided to look at the music trades. As some of you may or may not know, I have firmly planted both feet back in the biz! Yes, it's true! Our heroine (or villain, depending) has done the unthinkable. Anyway, back to the trade rags. I just want to say that never has music been in a more pathetic state. What is out there is not just bad, it's pretty supremely craptastic. Here are some impressions I had. (I will obviously not mention the actual mags' names because being sued doesn't sound like much fun.)

First off, I picked up a very well known Deathrock mag that featured an interview with my favorite kitty daddy Glenn Danzig. This interview was so lame that I think I may have laughed out loud once or twice. " I am the real deal," Glen says. "I can tell a legally harvested skull from a illegally harvested one." Geez, Glenn, so can I... But dude, is that really worth bragging about? Oh, and get some sun---pale is only cute if you don't have jowls. While I am at it, your fingernails freak me the fuck out. Cut them. You are not a crack addict. He goes on to talk about Samhain (not the band, the holiday) and then gets angry when the interviewer wants to talk about what Glenn does on Halloween..He says its "not what we are here to talk about."
Sigh...you brought it up...

Next up, a more middle-of-the-road Rock 'n' Roll rag, it featured Rob Zombie interviewing Alice Cooper, which is a great idea! These guys could be long lost brothers. Sadly, it was really boring! Rob fawned over Alice, and Alice accepted it graciously while actually trying to talk about music. It was like watching an old episode of the Arsenio Hall show. You know what I mean: that virtual blow job. Then they trashed other bands, which I found immature and distasteful. Guys, that's for me to do. On you it looks like jealousy.

So then I read a review of the new Arcade fire CD. They are calling them the next big thing. Really, people, check out Echo and the Bunnymen, 'cuz that is the shit they are borrowing from. Personally, I find the Bunnymen way more compelling.

Honestly, music is very cyclic, I get that! Last night I ranted like a madwoman about a bit of this to my young ward---we'll call him Robin for now (uh huh that makes me Batman...well Batgirl maybe). I could tell through the laughter that he was slightly shocked at the venom of my words . I get that copying a sound is part of getting inspiration from your influences, however can we Puh-leaze have some new ideas. One thing we both agreed upon..Music is Show Business...anyone who thinks otherwise is deluding themselves! Think about it, bright lights, fancy clothes(unless you like shoegazers)and loud music. Hey Viva La Vegas..dig?

Final outcome, I got bored and put the trades down. In ten years nothing has really changed there. The business is different but not the music..I will do just fine, but it's going to be a wild ride...


Give 'em the old razzle dazzle
Razzle dazzle 'em
Give 'em an act with lots of flash in it
And the reaction will be passionate
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