Monday, October 11, 2010

Sweet Sweet Connie...

Recently on twitter there was a discussion of a reality show and celebrity. During it, a friend's husband made a groupie/starfucker comment to me. Now, relax! I don't think he was calling me either of those things, but I will admit for a second, I did suck air. If he was, well he is so far off that it's hilarious, but nonetheless it has been percolating in my mind...and Abracadabra, a blog post popped out.

During my time in the "biz," I met some really awesome people, some of whom could be classified as groupies. Oddly, Cameron Crowe did a great job depicting groupies in Almost Famous, as they were a merry band of women. All good friends as long as a famous dude didn't come in between them. The thing that struck me most about said groupies is that they had such incredibly low self esteem that they would allow these "guys" to use them and toss them away. Like a pile of used Kleenex. These girls were cool, stylish women who were looking for some acceptance. Many evenings it broke my heart. There were a couple of bands who would actually ask me to pick out several—ahem—"dates" for them each night. I would tell them what room to go to at the hotel, give them 20.00 for cab fare, and tell them what to expect. Most nights I would try to spend some time talking to them about their lives, trying to get insight into why they would be ok with this. It was always about wanting acceptance. Many a night I felt like a madame, and often I would refuse.

In the mid 80's I met Pamela Des Barres—famous groupie, writer, and sometime wife to Michael Des Barres (singer for Silverhead, Detective, and also a well known actor)—and we talked in detail about Starfucking. She was honest and funny, citing a poor home life, low self esteem and not fitting in at school all as factors. Those were all factors I faced in my youth, but the thought of being the "fuck buddy du jour" makes me want to slap the shit out of somebody. The difference is, I think, two things: I am a fixer not an enabler, and I had good role models growing up. My brother was already working in the business when I hit my formative years, and often took me along to help. I saw early on how to be a part of things without having to lose myself in the process. I saw how to be a part of the process, not the candy you ate after the process was finished. The music business did take a toll on me, I definitely had "to pay the ferryman". However I have more than just memories of whom I slept with.

What am I trying to say? Nothing, really...just taking you along with me on another memory. The comment I mentioned at the beginning of the post just allowed me to remember some of the fine people I met in my travels, and how I wished something better for them than they wished for themselves. I hope they eventually got it…

But you can't turn back the time -- It always gonna wait on the line.

**this post is dedicated to Sable Starr, who we lost in 2009.


  1. I don't get it either. To be used and tossed aside by someone who is basically a stranger just to say you were with "insert famous person's name here" Your just one of 100's so it's not that special.
    Great post.

  2. the power of a good role model. When everyone else in your life lets you down and fails you, there is that one being that you can look to for inspiration, strength, whatever it is that helps you build your character. I just can't believe that someone with strength of character could sell themselves so shortly by using their bodies in this way. It is very sad and I hope they found what they were looking for eventually, or they at least figured out what it was they were looking for to begin with.